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Shameful Silence: What You Don't Know About Domestic Violence [Kõva köide]

(Alexandra Lozano Immigration Law)
  • Formaat: Hardback, 240 pages
  • Ilmumisaeg: 19-May-2026
  • Kirjastus: Jossey-Bass Inc.,U.S.
  • ISBN-10: 1394430272
  • ISBN-13: 9781394430277
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  • Formaat: Hardback, 240 pages
  • Ilmumisaeg: 19-May-2026
  • Kirjastus: Jossey-Bass Inc.,U.S.
  • ISBN-10: 1394430272
  • ISBN-13: 9781394430277
Break the silence surrounding male victims of domestic abuse and challenge harmful stereotypes

Society has a blind spot and one in three men are paying the price.

Millions of men experience domestic abuse. Yet their suffering is routinely dismissed, minimized, or outright denied. Trapped by shame, stigma, and cultural myths about masculinity, they endure abuse in silence. Often, they lack the language to describe their experiences and face systems unwilling to protect them.

In Shameful Silence, Human Rights attorney Alexandra Lozano exposes the hidden epidemic of male domestic abuse. With unflinching honesty, legal precision, and deep compassion, Lozano draws on sixteen years of frontline experience to advocate for vulnerable individuals in complex legal systems. She reveals a vital truth few confront: abuse can devastate without leaving bruises.

Through survivor accounts and rigorous research, this book reveals sophisticated, often invisible tactics used against men, including gaslighting, financial control, parental alienation, false allegations, and using custody battles and immigration status as weapons. These abuses leave no visible scars yet dismantle identity, isolate victims, and destroy lives.



Blending legal insight, psychological research, and deeply human storytelling, Shameful Silence challenges entrenched stereotypes about victimhood and masculinity. Lozano reframes strength not as silence but as truth. She offers readers clarity and validation that so many male survivors have never received.

In this book, readers will discover:





First-hand accounts from male survivors that illuminate emotional, psychological, financial, and physical abuse patterns often ignored or mischaracterized Expert analysis of systemic failures within law enforcement, family courts, and healthcare systems that leave male victims unprotected Practical guidance for recognizing abuse, setting boundaries, seeking support, and beginning the healing process Resources and organizations specifically equipped to support male survivors of domestic violence. How to advocate for specific reformswhether by contacting lawmakers, supporting organizations for male survivors, or challenging bias in their professional spheresto ensure protection and equity for all victims.

Shameful Silence is essential reading for male survivors seeking validation and a way forward. It is also vital for legal, healthcare, and education professionals, as well as social workers and advocates seeking deeper insight into non-physical abuse and institutional blind spots.

This book expands our definition of abuse and challenges societal beliefs. It offers a blueprint for a world where every survivor is seen, heard, and protected.
Introduction xi

Chapter 1: The Hidden Epidemic 1
A Brief History of Violence (and Indifference) 4
What We Talk About When We Talk About Violence 8
What Is Domestic Violence? 10
Emotional and Psychological Abuse 10
Other Types of Domestic Abuse 13
Financial and Economic Abuse 14
Administrative Abuse 16
False Allegations 17
Parental Alienation 18
Stalking 19
Why Men Stay Silent 20
Fear and Stigma 21
Denial of Victimhood 23
Distrust of Broken Systems 25
Reframing the Narrative 27
Unlearning False Narratives 29

Chapter 2: Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence Against Men 31
Tristan 32
Michael 40

Chapter 3: Why Do Men Stay? 49
Failure to Recognize the Abuse as Abuse 50
Vulnerability Biting: Eroding Self-Esteem 52
Learned Helplessness 53
Lack of Resources and Safe Spaces 56
The Myth of Masculinity 58
The Myth of the Male Protector 58
Community Pressure 59
False Allegations 61
Fear of Losing Their Children 64
Fear of Deportation 67
Trauma Bond 71

Chapter 4: Shame: The Myths of Masculinity and Why Our Culture Hides
Violence Against Men 75
Shame and Guilt: What's the Difference? 78
How Shame Impacts Men 81
Shame Silences Men 82
Shame Forces Men to Uphold a Façade 83
The Façade for the LGBTQ+ Community 84
The Façades of Morality and Masculinity 85
The "Normal" Façade 86
How Shame Protects the Perpetrator 87
How Partners Leverage Shame 88
How Shame and Masculinity Are Linked 90
"Man Up" 91
Are We Biased Against Men or Masculinity?
Biological Sex Versus Gender Expression 94
Myths of Masculinity and What It Means to Be a Man 95
Myth 1: Men Can't Be Victims 96
Myth 2: A Real Man Can Defend Himself 97
Myth 3: Emotional Abuse Isn't Really Abuse 99
Myth 4: Only the Weak Get Abused 101
Myth 5: It's Less Harmful When a Woman Is the Perpetrator 103
Myth 6: Men Always Want Sex 104
Myth 7: If He Stays, He's Partly to Blame 107
Redefining Masculinity 109
How Should We Define a Man? 109

Chapter 5: Obstacles to Reporting/Reframing Violence 111
The Biases in Screening for IPV 112
Gender Discrimination in Funding 119
The Violence Against Women Act: Did It Break Barriers or Build Walls? 125
The Feminists' Role 131
How Can We Reframe? 137
Step 1: Rewrite the Narrative 137
Step 2: Promote Resources 139
Step 3: Continue Educating 140

Chapter 6: A Broken System 143
Mandatory Arrest Laws: What Are They? Where Did They Come From? 147
The Story of Tracy Thurman 150
How Police Fail Men 156
Police Are More Likely to Blame Men 159
Police Question Men's Credibility 160
Police Fail to Recognize Emotional Abuse 161
Police Fall for False Allegations 163
How Are Police Officers Trained? 166
Bias in the Criminal Justice System 169
How Courts Fail Men 175
Men Are Treated More Severely 175
How to Prove Emotional Abuse 176
Courts Are Biased Against Fathers 177
What Does Progress Look Like? 178
We Need to Acknowledge Male Victims 178
We Need More Training for Cops 179
We Need More Resources for Male Victims 179
We Need More Research 180
We Must Acknowledge That Women Can Be Perpetrators of Violence, Too 181
Courts and Police Must Find Ways to Recognize Emotional Abuse 182

Chapter 7: Breaking the Silence, Beginning to Heal 183
The Story of Bernie Fitte 184
How Do Men Heal? 186
Let Go of Unrealistic Hope 187
Stop Trying to "Fix" Them 188
Don't Just Set Boundaries, Enforce Them 189
Go No Contact 190
Stop Hiding 192
Find Support 192
Try to Love Again ... But Be Patient 193
Recognize Red Flags 194
Understand That Healing Is a Journey 196
Who Is Advocating for Men? 196
The ManKind Initiative (United Kingdom) 197
Canadian Centre for Men and Families 199
Breaking the Silence, Beginning to Heal 199

Epilogue: What Would It Take to Recast the Narrative? 201
It Begins with Education 202
The Media Must Wake Up 203
Politicians Must Speak Up 204
Corporations Must Step Up 204
Men Must Tell Their Stories 205

Alexandra's Resources for Male Victims of Domestic Violence (and Their
Allies) 207
Alexandra's Reading List 212
ALEXANDRA LOZANO is a distinguished attorney and founder of Alexandra Lozano Immigration Law, one of the largest humanitarian immigration law firms in the United States. With over seventeen years of experience championing marginalized com­munities, she has transformed thousands of lives through her innovative use of the Violence Against Women Act and T visas for trafficking survivors. A published author, podcast host, and mentor to attorneys nation­wide, Lozano has cultivated a social media following exceeding 656,000 and successfully assisted clients across all fifty states.