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A young person’s story of growing up gay in a rural Mormon town and the wild places where he found refuge.

This intimate record lays bare one person's experience growing up in a rural Mormon community and struggling to reconcile his sexual orientation with the religious doctrine of his childhood. Weaving together prose, poetry, and stories scrawled on the margins of high school notebooks, Jonathan T. Bailey encounters truth-seeing owls, anachronistic gourds, and the hard-edged realities of family and church. In When I Was Red Clay, he navigates desert landscapes, mental health, and the loss of faith with unflinching honesty and biting humor.

A young person’s story of growing up gay in a rural Mormon town and the wild places where he found refuge.

Muu info

Commended for Foreword INDIES Book of the Year Awards (LGBTQ+ Nonfiction) 2022.
Author's Note xi
Foreword xiii
Testimony
1(12)
Procession of Trees
13(3)
Journal Entry: May 9, 2019
16(1)
They
17(3)
Burnice
20(5)
Blood Moon
25(4)
Journal Entry, Undated
29(1)
Song Dog
30(2)
Fox
32(2)
An Evening with Tyto alba
34(3)
They Take Our Bodies
37(2)
Memorial
39(1)
Solitude's Double Helix
40(8)
Journal Entry: March 2011
48(1)
The Letters I Never Wrote
49(2)
Pandemic Reflections
51(4)
June 26, 2015
55(4)
January 24, 2021
59(2)
House of Aquilegia
61(4)
Turquoise Messengers
65(8)
Double-Headed Passerine
73(6)
Journal Entry: January 16, 2021
79(1)
Time Travelers
80(6)
Time Travelers of a Different Eukaryote
86(6)
Writing to Reconcile
92(6)
Down the Colorado
98(4)
January 1, 2010
102(2)
Juniper Roots
104(5)
Journal Entry: September 3, 2020
109(1)
Daydreaming
110(5)
Mussentuchit Badlands
115(4)
A Personal Topography of Hue and Color
119(4)
Walking to the Underworld
123(5)
Market Sojourn
128(3)
Uncomfortable
131(3)
Beneath, beneath
134(2)
Death
136(2)
High Deserts
138(5)
Ruth
143(3)
Buhle
146(3)
Afterword 149(3)
Acknowledgments 152(2)
Works Cited 154(2)
Further Reading and Resources 156(3)
About the Author 159